My safe place

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my sweet co-workers who reminded me of why I blog in the first place. It’s not to impress, complain, annoy or even to delight.

It’s really just for me. It’s to reflect on what’s going on in my life. It’s to remember what it’s like to be a mother to my two beautiful children (growing pains and all), fun events that take place and life things that take up space in my head and my heart. There’s no timeline or deadlines or pressure to perform.

There have been seasons in my life that I have lovingly and consistently written about. And other times that I’ve pulled away. The past many months have been more of the impersonal-pull-away variety. BUT since I’m trying to muddle through this whole vulnerability thing, I’m going to start back up. I want to remember things. Even the hard things.

I love my fam more than I could ever express. But being a mom and a wife and a friend and a daughter have all come together lately in a mountain of pain and difficulty. Since this is my space, my safe place and where my heart can breathe a little easier, I'll write. 

Loss & Love

Some days are harder than others. 

Though she didn't live near me and I didn't see her enough, 

she was (and is still) my family.

And to one? 

She was her life.

She was her passion and her everything.

How do you say goodbye to someone like that? 

How do you keep going day after day?

How do you see someone you love grieve the loss of her most beloved? 

And still manage your own grief?

Inconceivable.

How do we process and navigate a life without the one who completed it?

When we open up our hearts, we make them vulnerable. 

They are susceptible to the grandest of all beauties, the saddest of all sorrows. 

Yet being vulnerable is what allows us to feel those emotions that make life worth living.

I don't have the words to comfort a loss at this greatest of levels. 

I don't have enough tears to shed the sadness I feel.

I don't have warmth enough to push out the cold, hard reality.

But I have love. Deep down. Way down deep there is Hope, there is Love and there is Comfort.

As long as that spark is there, that soft glimmer of light,

I know it can blaze, once again, into an all-consuming fire.

Our lives are forever changed by the love, beauty and grace that Cheryl brought to it.

And I am beyond grateful to have known her and loved her.