30 Days of Blogging: Day Six

Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Hard is relative, right? There are few things in my life that I would characterize as truly hard. Lots of people give birth, and it's expected to be "hard" so that doesn't count. I don't know how to say this except that as I get older, things seem to have been "not so hard" when I look back on them. Does that make sense?

Example 1:
My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old. That was hard.
But really, when I look back on it, I had a relatively simple time with my divorced parents. There was no abuse. There was no visible (at least to me) arguing and fighting. My parents didn't talk bad about each other (in front of me, anyway). {They still don't. Thanks Mom and Dad.} There weren't crazy custody battles or me having to go to court. It was fairly civil as far as divorces go (at least from my perspective). Plus, I gained some great people in my life through my step-families.

Example 2:
We moved to Texas when I was in high school. I moved away from all my friends, family friends, people I'd grown up with since I was a toddler, my church, my dad. I had to start my sophomore year in a new high school, make all new friends, be "the new girl," visit new churches, and find my own way. That was hard. But you know what? It turned out to be fantastic. I got to hang out with family that I always loved as a girl, but only saw once a year or so - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and step-siblings who loved me and whom I loved dearly. I made a friend in Isabel who was, and continues to be even 18 years later, my best friend. I got involved in a church there and made friends who helped cultivate my relationship with Jesus. Living in TX influenced my choice in college where I met lots of other awesome people who are still my friends today. If I hadn't moved to TX, I would be a much different person. So, though it was hard, it was worth it.

Example 3:
David lost his job in 2009. He got a 20% pay cut the day Xander was born and then lost his job 6 weeks later. We were scared...and that was hard. But, in losing his job, he had other opportunities to do things he wouldn't have done had he been working. He spent a lot of time with Xander during his first year, which was great for both of them. He spent a lot of time with me that year, which was really good for us and our marriage. He was able to study and take 7 exams to become a registered architect. Often it takes years and years to complete all 7 exams and become a registered architect, and if he'd been working during that time he would have had to study and test in his free time, which is limited at best. But for David, it took less than a year. We had family and friends who helped us out during that time and we grew closer to them. Though it seemed hard while we were in the midst of it, a lot of good came out of that situation.

With that being said, I will say the hardest thing I am experiencing in my life (at present) is parenting. I love my kids and I wouldn't trade parenting for any job in the world. And I mean that. Like, really mean that. But it's hard. It's hard because I care. I want to be the best parent I can be. I want what's best for my kids. And there's a lot of pressure there. Pressure to do what's right, not necessarily what's the most popular or most accepted in our society. Pressure to teach them values and ethics and love and respect and honor and compassion and independence and so much more. I have to remind myself that being the best parent doesn't necessarily mean my kids have the best clothes. It doesn't mean they do everything that every other child is doing. It doesn't mean they never watch TV, only eat organic foods and meals prepared at home with no added preservatives, or that they never throw tantrums in public. They're little humans...sinful humans. And I'm a sinful Mama. And that's hard. But the great thing is, I just know that when I look back on it, it will have been worth it.