Revival

REVIVAL

My word for 2020.

And what better place to write about revival than on a blog I haven't written for in 2 years, almost to the day?

So, here we are.

Revival. 

Why did I choose that word?

Here's the definition - 
Revival: renewed attention to or interest in something

And this year feels like the time for revival - of my spirit, my faith, my mind, my body, my thoughts and feelings, my purpose, my family, this life that has been so graciously given to me. I want to think with more clarity and love with more passion and remember in more detail these times of my life.

So, here's to 2020.

Crazy Christmas 2017

Maybe we are crazy. Maybe we honestly did lose our minds.

But we did it.

We piled into a 15-passenger van and headed to Texas.

But first, let me back up.

Christmas started, as it seemingly always does, as soon as Thanksgiving is complete...maybe even before. For my Little family of four, we stayed home on Thanksgiving Day, just the four of us, and put out all of our Christmas decorations with Christmas movies on in the background, and enjoyed a Mexican feast. The next day we went to my aunt Karen and aunt Cheryl's house. And I am incredibly grateful that we did. I kept thinking that all of us would be there to visit and spend time with my aunt who was ill, and that I would go back alone in January to have another visit, similar to the one my sister and I were able to have at the beginning of November. But it didn't happen like that. November 24th was the last day I would see my aunt. She passed away just a little more than 2 weeks later.

After the turmoil and grief and sadness of several days, and really weeks leading up to and following her death, I was feeling overwhelmed and sad and struggling to make it through each day without crying or wanting to just stay in bed. My extended family had been planning to go to Texas for a family reunion, but I just couldn't deal. The idea of planning a trip for that long, that far away, with so many schedules and moving parts was pushing me over the edge. I spoke to my mom about it and she was gracious enough to tell me that we didn't have to go if it was going to be too much for me. That gave me the strength I needed to jump in and make it happen. I had become incredibly aware of the limited time I might possibly have with my mom. And this is something she wanted above all things, so I knew I couldn't miss it.

After discussing airline ticket prices versus driving, I knew we had to drive. For 8 of us to fly to TX was going to cost easily around $3,500. So instead, we opted for the van.

December flew by. We celebrated Christmas at my mom's two weekends before Christmas and then we celebrated with David's family the weekend before Christmas.

We spent Christmas Eve going to church, at home packing, finishing up last minute wrapping and cooking, and reading the Christmas story while leaving cookies for Santa. Christmas day was spent at home with gifts and food and fun and laughter.

Then we woke up bright and early on the 26th and picked up the 15 passenger van that quickly became known as Hershey. It was actually really fun!! Nathan drove the entire way, though I tried to offer my help. We had an interesting stay in a motel, saw over 50 family members, all 10 of us (including my mom and JD) stayed with my aunt Sylvia and uncle Bob for several nights (they only have one shower!!), we got in each other's space, we learned to live with it, we got annoyed, we made up, we laughed, we cried and I wouldn't trade this trip for anything.
My mom took all of us (though my sister and I had been many times, our husbands and kids hadn't been before) to the farm where she grew up. We saw the house I remember my Granny and Papa living in and the land behind it where they tore down the original house my grandparents had lived in and where my mom lived for the first several years of her life - the house that had an outhouse and storm cellar and belonged to my mom's Granny. My aunts - Sylvia and Rae - were there to add to the stories my mom told. It was great fun to hear all of their memories and stories and thoughts about those days. We went by both of my uncles' houses and enjoyed driving downtown where my mom showed us her high school and where my grandfather worked and so many other landmarks, some that had stayed the same and some that had changed completely.
The family reunion was wonderful. I hadn't seen the majority of my family since my grandfather's death seven years previously. Xander had only been to TX twice, once when he was 6 months old and then again when Papa died in 2010. Amelia Jayne had never been, so none of my cousins had ever met her! It was so sweet to watch her play with my second cousin's little girl, Juliet. They had both brought their dolls, so they had things in common from the moment they walked in the door.

Everyone said I was crazy when I told them about this trip. I pretty much agreed and still agree, but I will always say it was worth it. Making memories is fun. Working through grief is necessary. I'll treasure these memories and our love for one another always. :)

Books I've Read - September-December 2017

The Sun is Also a Star
by Nicola Yoon
This was the YA book in our Community Read initiative at the library in October. It very interesting. Though it is a YA book the themes are serious and pretty intense - themes of immigration, deportation, young love and parental/family drama.
The questions to make you fall in love, referenced in the book, were fun. I printed out a copy for David and I to go through. If you watch The Big Bang Theory the questions might look familiar. Penny and Sheldon went through them together. Here's a clip you might enjoy. :)




Today Will Be Different
by Maria Semple
This was the adult book in our Community Read initiative at the library in October. I hate to say this because I work at the library and I'm part of this initiative, but I did not care for the book. To be honest with you I didn't make it all the way through. I just couldn't. I felt that the main character was whiny and self-absorbed. I couldn't deal with that.

The Five Love Languages
by Gary Chapman
I read this many years ago but decided to go back and get a refresher. I'm so glad I did. There was great insight on how to love not only my husband, but other members of my family and friend tribe, too. David and I have been married for 13 years and we've both changed a lot in those 13 years. I love that we're ever changing but that the basis of our love stays the same. Even though the love is always there I feel that I can always improve on my love for him. I tried some new things and gained new insights that have already proven helpful in our marriage.

The Five Love Languages of Children
by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
Though I had read The Five Love Languages before and even went back to reread them, I had never picked up this book before. It was very helpful. I've really been wanting some more parenting books and advice lately. I feel that there is so much information readily available about children ages 0-5, but after that it's not as prevalent. This was incredibly helpful for the ages my children are now. I'm on the lookout for more (good) parenting books for elementary aged kids, so if you have any recs, pass them on!

The Truth According to Us
by Annie Barrows
I technically started this back in the summer, but it has taken me forever to get through it. It's good, but it's not my go-to read when I'm bored. I had to make a concerted effort to finish this. I picked it up because it's by one of the authors of my beloved The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Which, coincidentally, they're making into a movie due to come out this year.


Turtles All the Way Down
by John Green
Oh you know what a John Green fan I am. I just love the way he writes!! And this novel didn't disappoint. It went a different direction than I imagined, but once I was finished I realized I should have known John Green would focus more on the characters than the mystery or the plot line. I love the way he writes so much because of his character development and the reality he brings to these often bizarre people and their situations.

Love Lives Here
by Maria Goff
This was a recommendation made by a friend, but after reading Love Does by Bob Goff, I was very interested in reading this book by his wife. It had some very special insights that I will take with me.

The Light We Lost 
by Jill Santopolo
This was an adult fiction novel that I just blew through (which is rare for me as far as adult fic is concerned). It was so moving. I don't condone many of the main character's actions, but I couldn't help empathizing with her. It was touching and sad and funny and relatable.

Strong Mothers, Strong Sons
by Meg Meeker
My mom recommended this book after I repeatedly spoke to her about some challenges Xander and I were having. It's been a HUGE help. I'm technically finished, but I will be soon.

When Breath Becomes Air
by Paul Kalanithi
I began reading this book after a recommendation from a colleague of mine. I had told her about my mom's illness and she immediately thought of this book. It took me a couple of months to pick it up, but I couldn't bring myself to read it. Then, when I found out about my aunt Cheryl's lung cancer, I immediately grabbed a copy.
It's about a young neurosurgeon/neuroscientist who gets lung cancer. He wrote this book after his diagnosis, and his wife completed it and published it after his death. I'll admit that I read Part I back in November, but had to put it down for a bit and then picked it up again at the end of December. It was so beautifully written. What an amazing man - he was a scientist, but also had a love for words and literature. That must be so rare to have someone who is great at science but who also loves language and reading. I highly recommend this book - one of my faves for the year.

Amelia Jayne and I finished the How to Train Your Dragon series. There were 12 books in the series and I think it took us about 11 months to finish them all. This is probably one of my favorite children's book series ever. Maybe not quite as much as Harry Potter, but it's a close second. And the audiobooks just make these stories come to life in an even more amazing way. I know I've said it before, but David Tenant does a phenomenal production through voice acting. Fantastic. You must try it out!!
I've also read a ton of books with Amelia Jayne. She's really into Pinkalicious, Judy Moody, and Fancy Nancy just to name a few. We also read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and started reading Wonder. That girl loves to read!! And her own reading ability is progressing quite nicely. I'm so proud of her!
Xander is really into anything that has to do with Captain Underpants, Dogman or Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I'm not in love with any of these books, but it keeps him reading. Over Christmas break, when we were in TX with his cousins, I overheard him raving about these books. When one of his cousins said he didn't like reading and that reading was dumb, Xander bravely stood up for what he likes and told him that he loved to read and that Carson just needed to find a book that he likes. I was so proud of him!!

My safe place

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my sweet co-workers who reminded me of why I blog in the first place. It’s not to impress, complain, annoy or even to delight.

It’s really just for me. It’s to reflect on what’s going on in my life. It’s to remember what it’s like to be a mother to my two beautiful children (growing pains and all), fun events that take place and life things that take up space in my head and my heart. There’s no timeline or deadlines or pressure to perform.

There have been seasons in my life that I have lovingly and consistently written about. And other times that I’ve pulled away. The past many months have been more of the impersonal-pull-away variety. BUT since I’m trying to muddle through this whole vulnerability thing, I’m going to start back up. I want to remember things. Even the hard things.

I love my fam more than I could ever express. But being a mom and a wife and a friend and a daughter have all come together lately in a mountain of pain and difficulty. Since this is my space, my safe place and where my heart can breathe a little easier, I'll write. 

Loss & Love

Some days are harder than others. 

Though she didn't live near me and I didn't see her enough, 

she was (and is still) my family.

And to one? 

She was her life.

She was her passion and her everything.

How do you say goodbye to someone like that? 

How do you keep going day after day?

How do you see someone you love grieve the loss of her most beloved? 

And still manage your own grief?

Inconceivable.

How do we process and navigate a life without the one who completed it?

When we open up our hearts, we make them vulnerable. 

They are susceptible to the grandest of all beauties, the saddest of all sorrows. 

Yet being vulnerable is what allows us to feel those emotions that make life worth living.

I don't have the words to comfort a loss at this greatest of levels. 

I don't have enough tears to shed the sadness I feel.

I don't have warmth enough to push out the cold, hard reality.

But I have love. Deep down. Way down deep there is Hope, there is Love and there is Comfort.

As long as that spark is there, that soft glimmer of light,

I know it can blaze, once again, into an all-consuming fire.

Our lives are forever changed by the love, beauty and grace that Cheryl brought to it.

And I am beyond grateful to have known her and loved her.

The blizzard

I finished a book earlier this week that had numerous memorable quotes. I connected with many of the words, but the following quote seems to describe my life lately.

“There's an Edna St. Vincent Millay poem that's been rumbling around inside me ever since I first read it, and part of it goes:


'Blown from the dark hill hither to my door
Three flakes, then four
Arrive, then many more.'

You can count the first three flakes, and the fourth. Then language fails, and you have to settle in and try to survive the blizzard”
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down 

That's the way my life has been these last few months - I can count the first three or four things that tumbled into my life (or ripped through, as the case may be), but now I'm just trying to survive the barrage of endless happenings.

It's been a pretty rough year, arguably the hardest year of my life.

The challenges started in April. I woke up with a pain in my neck, and through a series of doctor's and chiro visits, tests, MRIs and x-rays, I found out I had a herniated disc in my neck. Thankfully, no surgery was needed. I went to physical therapy twice a week for 3 months and dwindled down to now I'm only going once or twice per month. I don't have the pain I was having (it was terrible and there is so much more to this story, but it's long and I don't feel like reliving it right now), but I still have some nerve issues depending on how I use certain muscles.

The same day I received the news that I indeed had a herniated disc in my neck, my mom called to tell me some test results she received about recent respiratory illnesses she had been having. She was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, a disease that affects her lungs - it causes scarring, and it is terminal. This news has changed our whole family's lives, but obviously and most notably my mom's. She is on medication several times per day, she is now on oxygen almost 24 hours per day, she had to change some eating habits and exercise, and is learning how to slow down a little bit and say no more often. This news is staggering. Honestly I am still processing it and working through my own thoughts and feelings. There are days I'm overwhelmed with sadness and grief and other days that I pull on my bootstraps and get to work, thinking optimistically, positively and with great faith. I'm sure there is so much more I could say about this, but I'll leave it here for now. 

The third blow of this year was delivered by my sister the last weekend in October. My stepmom had called to tell her that my dear aunt, Cheryl, has lung cancer. Not only does she have lung cancer, but it has moved to her brain. She only has a short time left with us. This is my aunt who fits so perfectly into my family - she is my aunt Karen's partner of 30 years - our beloved, Cheryl. This news has also rocked my world. And I am overwhelmed with feelings. They come on me at times with such intensity that I literally have to sit down. Again, I could go on and on about this, but for now this is what I can share.

This fall has brought with it so many challenges, joy and sorrow. I have to make the choice each and every day for joy. Many of these challenges and heartaches take me down into the depths, but I still must choose joy. God is my ultimate Comforter, Provider and Protector.

As if the previous incidences aren't enough to keep my brain and body occupied, here are some other things that went down at my house this fall:

One of my very best friends came to visit me for a week. It was mostly a great visit because I got to see her and hug her and talk with her and be in her presence, but her reason for coming was due to some personal problems she's been having, so there was an air of sadness hanging over the visit.

I turned 37 - entered my late 30s last month. I was celebrated in several different ways and am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. 

Xander had an amazing soccer season where they were undefeated - he was fantastic! He was so exciting to watch and I can't wait to see how he continues to progress in this sport that he loves so much.

Amelia Jayne turned 6! We had a unicorn party for her at the house, which included decorating your own unicorn horn, making unicorn poop slime (it's a thing, y'all), playing unicorn horn ring toss, and making edible necklaces. It was a busy but fun day!

Erin and Nathan turned 40 (sorry, Nathan - he'll BE 40 in less than a month) and we threw them a surprise 40th birthday party at my mom's. Star Wars theme - May the Forties Be With You. ;)

We went to the beach the weekend before Halloween to spend more time with family - my mom and JD, Erin, Nathan and their kids. Then we had some friends over for Halloween night - ate chili, drank wine, lost children, found children and generally had a blast!

David's office is overrun with work, which is a great problem except that they don't have enough people to work it, so he's worked several 60-80 hour weeks lately.

My Dad retired and we are going to celebrate him and his 39 years as a commercial airline pilot. We will be going to the Biltmore Estate in Asheville for the celebration this weekend.

We had lice at our house for over a week. Y'all. This is a new thing for me - I've never had lice before nor have my children...leave it to my social, outgoing and touchy-feely child to bring them into our home. It's been a slight nightmare, but the good news is that I'm getting really good at spotting them and picking them out of her hair. If I weren't so disgusted by them I could start a business de-lousing homes. Gross.

And here is yet another quote that reverberates in my heart. I will leave you with this:

“Every loss is unprecedented. You can't ever know someone else's hurt, not really - just like touching someone else's body isn't the same as having someone else's body.”  

Amelia Jayne's Birthday interview - Age 6

Favorites:

TV show - Cupcake Gemma on YouTube 

Movie - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Song - Hello by Adele

Musician - Adele

Food - watermelon

Candy - Dots

Toy - Mooncake (her unicorn stuffed animal)

Activity - Art

Cereal - Chocolate Cheerios 

Vegetable - carrots

Drink - milk

Game - playing school with friends and stuffed animals

Book - Everyone Loves Cupcake by Kelly DiPucchio (followed closely by Everyone Llves Bacon)

Restaurant - Chick Fil A

Holiday -Christmas

Animal - unicorn

Color - Turquoise 

Vacation - the Beach

Sport - gymnastics

If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? Unicorn-tastic

If you could have anything you want this year, what would it be? "A real unicorn!”

What do you love most about Mommy? "That she loves me."

What do you love most about Daddy? "That he loves me."

What do you love most about Xander? "That he plays with me sometimes."

Books I've Read May-August 2017

Hands Free Life
by Rachel Macey Stafford
This was great, y'all. I had to overlook some of her sappier tendencies (and this is coming from a sensitive and sappy type) but the underlying message and encouragement oozing from each page had me. There were practical applications for each of the habits she mentioned and forgiveness on each page. Start where you are and really live your life. I found myself being so much more intentional and I've really taken stock in what's important in my life. I'm thankful I read this.


Cold Tangerines
by Shauna Niequist
This book was like talking to a friend. I want to be her friend. She struggles with so many things I can relate to - weight, pride and connection to name a few. Many of the things she wrote left me vigorously nodding my head and agreeing with her wholeheartedly.


Present Over Perfect
by Shauna Niequist
A couple of girlfriends and I did an online study with this book. I've known about Shauna for a long time but had not read any of her work. After seeing the first video I knew I was going to love her. And I do. She's just the right balance of real and honest. She's not too funny (which is intimidating to me! Like, I LOVE Jen Hatmaker, but we could never be friends - she's too witty and hilarious. She'd get bored with me fast!) but she's humorous enough that I still like her. And this particular book took me a loooong time to finish due to the time it took me to digest it all.


The Same Kind of Different as Me
by Ron Hall and Denver Moore
This was interesting and sad and inspiring and encouraging all at the same time. I especially found Denver's portion of the story fascinating and gut-wrenching, but without Ron's part of the story Denver's may never have gotten told. It was worth the read. I like a story about unlikely friendships.


Of Mess and Moxie
by Jen Hatmaker
Jen comes through again!! She is so amazing and I love her books. Everything about it is so real and so relatable. I laughed and cried and laughed some more. Whether you are dealing with marriage issues, parent issues, raising children or just being a woman in today's culture I think you'll love it.


Bittersweet
by Shauna Niequist
I cannot say enough about Shauna Niequist. We really could be friends in real-life. I love reading about her life and her experiences. This was another winner.


Amelia Jayne and I continue to listen to audiobooks together. This summer we've listened to the majority of the How to Train Your Dragon series - books 4-9 to be exact. There are 12 in the series, so we're almost finished! It's been much better than I expected. The story lines have taken an intricate and sophisticated turn. I've been really impressed and have thoroughly enjoyed them. She and I have been reading the Boxcar Children series together during her "homework" time - we're on the second book right now - Surprise Island.

Books I've Read - January-April 2017

Evolving in Monkey Town
by Rachel Held Evans
I think one of the reasons Rachel Evans intrigues me is because she asks hard questions. She doesn't tiptoe around anything, but she doesn't pretend to have all the answers, either. Not anymore anyway. And that's basically how I feel. I always thought I kind of knew things. I was pretty much a know-it-all, but the older I get the more I realize that I really have no clue. And so I appreciate people's questions. Questions that make me think of things for my own self - not taking other people's truth for truth, but discovering the truth for myself.


Hidden Figures
by Margot Lee Shetterly
I obviously wanted to read this due to the movie. It wasn't even on my radar prior to seeing the movie trailers. I loved reading it during February (which was completely coincidental) because it tied in nicely with all of the Black History Month information I was sharing with my second graders at one of the schools I visit. And then I loved when I finished it up in March - when I spoke to those same second graders about Women's History Month.
The book was written very factually and without much fanfare. I would have enjoyed a better "story," though the facts and information themselves were extremely interesting and timely. I'm looking forward to watching the movie (which I'm sure will be dramatized for cinema sake) and am considering watching it with my kiddos. I look forward to these shared opportunities with my children to expose them to positive role models of all races, religions, cultures and genders.


A Long Walk to Water
by Linda Sure Park
This was so worth the read! It's technically a Juvenile fiction, but I would recommend it for anyone 10+! I might even let Xander read it. It was a riveting story that intersects two lives and how they are affected by the lack of water in Africa. Very moving and heartfelt.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
by J.K. Rowling


Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
by J.K. Rowling


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
by J.K. Rowling


Amelia Jayne and I have listened to all three of these Harry Potter books on audiobook. She just loves it!! Which makes me so happy, too. Jim Dale is phenomenal (I'm pretty sure I've said that on this blog once or twice) and if you haven't yet listened to the Harry Potter audiobooks, what are you waiting for?!?!


How to Train Your Dragon
How to Be a Pirate
How to Speak Dragonese
by Cressida Cowell


Amelia Jayne and I also listened to these together. AMAZING!!! David Tenant reads this series and he is phenomenal!!! The stories are cute and funny, too.


The Wizard of Oz
by L. Frank Baum
Amelia Jayne and I read this book together - it was a condensed version of the original with illustrations by Charles Santore - beautifully illustrated.


I don't know what else to say except that my girl LOVES to read. She would almost always choose to curl up with me on the couch and listen to me read than any other activity in the world. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of reading on her own, though she knows many words as site words (love, to, mommy, daddy, Xander - she knows these words because she adores "writing" letters and notes to us all) and she knows all of her letters and the sounds they make. I am so excited for the reading switch in her brain to click on. I can't imagine all the things she'll read! And I can't wait to continue exploring the world of books with her.

Kindergarten ready

Oh my baby girl! She'll be headed to kindergarten in the fall. It's so hard to believe! And not long after that she'll be...in college. ::sniff::
She's all registered for the Mandarin Immersion program (like Xander), had a tour of her new school, and is up-to-date with health records. It's getting real up in here, folks.
I had a parent-teacher conference with her preschool teacher so she could tell us all about how Amelia Jayne is ready for kindergarten. She knows her letters, their sounds, is interested in books, writing and reading, plays well with her friends, works well in a group, but my favorite thing that Ms. Jodi told me about my girl -


"She has such a kind heart."


Yes.
I knew this already, but to hear it from someone not related to her just made my heart swell. With that kindness and sensitivity comes some heartache, too. Ms. Jodi said that she is often so concerned about her friends and keeping peace with them (and for them) that she forgets to take care of herself. I've seen this happen often with my youngest. Her heart is so big and she cares so much for others that she sometimes lets herself down in the process, because she almost always chooses to make the other person happy.


One night while David and I were talking and my heart was breaking for my sweet-hearted, giver of a daughter, he reminded me, "Isn't it better that we have to teach her to stand up for herself? It's a lot harder to teach someone to be kind and loving to others." And yes, I think this is true. BUT, it's so hard to watch when people take advantage of her sweet disposition and generosity. As her mother, I can only do so much for her - she's about to go out into the real world and learn all of this for herself. She's already experienced some of this, but her preschool teachers have been amazing and have really worked with her to help her through these situations. Her kindergarten teachers won't take nearly the amount of time and energy to help with social situations as her preschool teachers do.


And I know she's in for a world of pain. I feel her pain - so fresh and so raw - I've dealt with it my whole life. Here I am, this people-pleaser of a mother, watching her struggle with my struggles. And it just breaks my heart. I am thankful to be her mother and to be sensitive and in tune with her so that I can go through this journey with her. I know there will be a lot of tears and a lot of laughter and a lot of love.


So in just a few short months we'll begin this new journey. I'll be a mom to school-age kids. No more babies, no more littles, just a pair of the sweetest, brightest biggie Littles that the world has ever known.


Deep breaths.


I think we're both ready for kindergarten now.

Xander's Birthday interview - Age 8

Favorites:

TV show - "I like watching soccer on TV."

(This is true. He's not much of a TV watcher unless his sister is watching TV or we're watching a movie together as a family. His choice would be to play on the Wii U.)

Movie - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Song - Can't Stop the Feeling

Musician - Justin Timberlake

Food - pancakes

Candy -Dots

Toy - ocelot (his stuffed animal from Minecraft)

Activity - "Making art that recreates famous artists' art."

(They've been focusing on this in his art class at school. He's been exposed to artists I didn't know about until college! It's pretty incredible.)

Cereal - Count Chocula

(For the record I've never bought these but they did a mock election at school last November where they voted on cereals - and that was his favorite one of their choices.)

Vegetable - carrots

Drink - diet Dr. Pepper

Game - Lego Star Wars Force Awakens on the Wii

Book - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

(He started reading this a couple of weeks ago.)

Restaurant -McDonald's

Holiday -Christmas

Animal -snakes

Color -Blue

Vacation -Beach

Sport - Soccer

If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? Weirdo Dude or Cool Man

(Oh the joys of 8-year old humor)

If you could have anything you want this year, what would it be? "Nothing, I've got everything I want. Well, a new nerf gun."

What do you love most about Mommy? "Getting hugs and kisses from her."

What do you love most about Daddy? "Playing Xbox with him."

What do you love most about Amelia Jayne? "Getting to play with her."

Books I've Read - September-December 2016

Mere Christianity 
by C.S. Lewis
I tried to read this book years ago, but it was just too heady for me. My preacher mentioned it in one of his current series and it dawned on me that I should try again. It's brilliant. I am in awe at how progressive and amazing C.S. Lewis's mind was. His story is so fascinating to me and his insights into God are still too "heady" for me. Man, am I glad I went back and read this now. I'm sure it's one of those that I can read again and again and learn more and more each time I read it!

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
by Donald Miller
Ever since I read Blue Like Jazz I truly appreciate Donald Miller. This book came out in 2009, but it only just landed on my radar earlier this year. I loved this book - Don is so honest and real and just self-deprecating enough for me to feel like he truly understands humans. There are a couple of slow (read: boring) parts (in my opinion) but he has so many great snippets of wisdom and he's just so real that I found myself intrigued. If you've never read Donald Miller's books, I'd recommend it.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland 
by Lewis Carroll
I had always wanted to read this children's book and since Amelia Jayne and I are always in the car together I thought this might be a good audiobook for us. The movie is whimsical and bizarre, but the book is just downright weird! Lol! I thought she would ask to turn it off many times because it really is kind of difficult to follow, plus it has 19th century language that we don't use and that she definitely didn't understand, but she didn't seem to mind. I'm sure she didn't get everything that was going on, but she laughed at certain parts and seemed to enjoy it!

Scary Close 
by Donald Miller
His most recent book. This was mostly about his relationship with his girlfriend and now wife, but told in the same great tone that is Donald Miller's.

Jesus Feminist
by Sarah Bessey
Oh, Sarah. There were many things about this book that I loved. I especially love the way Sarah Bessey writes. Her tone and language are refreshing. I felt so encouraged while reading this book - kind of like she is for me. I don't know if that makes sense, but I just felt understood and accepted. Here's a quote from the book that I just love and identify with:
"In my black-and-white-rhetoric-only years, I struggled with understanding or accepting the tensions of God. I struggled with the Both-And nature of most of God's work and character, preferring the linear Either-Or.
He is both just and loving, the Lion and the Lamb. He is truth and grace. We practice works and live by faith. We are in God's Kingdom and not yet living in the fullness of heaven today. By his stripes we are healed, and our suffering perfects our faith. Men and women are equal in worth and value, and yet we are servants of one another. Jesus tells us God is our tender and good Father, and yet in other metaphors, he is more akin to a Lover. Our marriages are a symbol of Christ and the Church, and yet according to Paul, it's better to remain single. The paradoxes of the Christian faith abound, and they used to drive me a bit crazy. Because, well, which one is it? We want to know because then we would have a new law and new mandate, and life would be much easier."


This is the kind of stuff you'll read in this book. So good. I'm pretty sure that I've just realized I'm a Jesus Feminist. :)


Searching for Sunday
by Rachel Held Evans
I am grateful for her perspective and vision and wisdom. I struggle with many of the things she writes about because, like her, I grew up conservative and evangelical. But, I am being introduced to my Jesus in a whole new way and realize that my Father in heaven is far bigger and greater than any of my little thoughts or the tiny little teachings that have come across my ears. God's love for his people is bigger than anything I could ever comprehend. And He truly LOVES all people. Love wins.


"I confess to citing these numbers ominously myself from time to time, especially when I want to make a point about how millennials are losing faith in the church over issues related to politics, sexuality, science, and social justice. I may have uttered something along the lines of "adapt or die" in my writing once or twice. I may have jumped the gun and administered last rites. But lately I've been wondering if a little death and resurrection might be just what church needs right now, if maybe all this talk of waning numbers and shrinking influence means our empire-building days are over, and if maybe that's a good thing. Death is something empires worry about, not something gardeners worry about. It's certainly not something resurrection people worry about."


"I don't know exactly what this new revolution will look like, but as the center of Christianity shifts from the global West to the global South and East, and as Christians in the United States are forced to gauge the success of the church by something other than money and power, I hope it looks like altars transforming to tables, gates transforming into open doors, and cure-alls transforming into healing oils. I hope it looks like a kingdom that belongs not to the rich, but to the poor, not to the triumphant but to the meek, not to the culture warriors but to the peacemakers. If Christianity must die, may it die to the old way of dominance and control and be resurrected to the Way of Jesus, the Way of the cross."


What Now?
by Ann Patchett
What a beautiful little treasure I stumbled upon! I'm going to leave you with these quotes from this short, but poignant and invigorating essay.
"There's a time in our lives when we all crave the answers. It seems terrifying not to know what's coming next. But there is another time, a better time, when we see our lives as a series of choices and What now represents our excitement and our future, the very vitality of life. It's up to you to choose a life that will keep expanding. It takes discipline to remain curious; it takes work to be open to the world - but oh my friends, what noble and glorious work it is. Maybe this is the moment you shift from seeing What now as one more thing to check off the list and start to see it as two words worth living by."

"If you're trying to find out what's coming next, turn off everything you own that has an OFF switch and listen. Make up some plans and change them. Identify your heart's truest desire and don't change that for anything. Be proud of yourself for the work you've done."



The Little House on the Prairie
by Laura Ingalls Wilder
I listened to this audiobook with my baby-girl. I was so surprised she sat through the whole thing. She asked very poignant and interesting questions. I had kind of forgotten some of the racism and political incorrectness that's mentioned in this book due to the era in which it was written. I'm willing to embrace our history and teach it to my kids so that we don't repeat it, but it makes for some slightly awkward conversations. I'll look at it as an opportunity that presented itself for me to teach my daughter open-mindedness and acceptance of others who are different than us.


The Year of Magical Thinking
by Joan Didion
This was supposed to be a book I had previously abandoned and I ended up abandoning it again! I'm pretty sure it's over between us. It just moved too slowly and, though the storyline seemed interesting, it bored me. And ain't nobody got time for that.


Life Together
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
This was interesting. Kind of slow at times and honestly reminded me somewhat of C. S. Lewis, due to the time period, I'm guessing. I am fascinated with Bonhoeffer these days and plan to read a biography on him soon.


Love Does
by Bob Goff
Yes! Love Does!! This was sweet. I find this incredibly challenging to apply because I tend to live inside of my head too much and don't always allow my knowledge, interests or emotions to move into action. Unfortunately I often tend to hang back and am fearful of actions. This has certainly given me some food for thought...and action. :)

2016 Reading Challenge - the final results

Here are the results of the reading challenge from this year. If you're interested in looking at the list for next year here's the link for Modern Mrs. Darcy's 2017 Reading Challenge.


1) A book published this year -
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
by JK Rowling


2) A book you can finish in a day -
What Now?
by Ann Patchett


3) A book you've been meaning to read -
Career of Evil
by Robert Galbraith


4) A book recommended by your local librarian or bookseller -
All the Light We Cannot See
by Anthony Doerr


5) A book you should have read in school -
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
by Betty Smith


6) A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF -
Killing Jesus
by Bill O'Reilly


7) A book published before you were born -
Life Together
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer


8) A book that was banned at some point -
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
by JK Rowling


9) A book you previously abandoned -
The Year of Magical Thinking
by Joan Didion - I kind of abandoned this one again - oops


10) A book you own but have never read -
Radical
by David Platt


11) A book that intimidates you -
Mere Christianity
by C.S. Lewis


12) A book you've already read at least once -
Redeeming Love
by Francine Rivers

Happy 5th birthday, Amelia Jayne!

Happy birthday, Amelia Jayne!

Here is her 5 year old interview:

Favorites-

TV show - The Leap Frog shows (Counting on Lemonade)

Movie - Big Hero Six

Song - Fight Song by Rachel Platten

Musician - Adele

Food - sausage

Candy - I like all of the candies, really.

Toy - stuffed animals
Activity - draw pictures

Cereal - Fruit loops

Vegetable - carrots

Drink - pink lemonade

Game - Shimmer & Shine game I got for my birthday

Book - Pinkalicious and the Pink Drink

Restaurant - McAlister's
Holiday - Christmas

Animal - Elephant

Color - Pink

Vacation - going to the lake house

If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? Elsie

If you could have anything you want this year, what would it be? more tsum sums

What do you love most about Mommy? She hugs a lot

What do you love most about Daddy?  He goes with me to the store

What do you love most about Xander?  I get to play with him a lot

What I'm into these days

The biggest thing I'm looking forward to right now is fall weather. It's officially fall on the calendar, so let's bring on some cooler weather! It looks like this week will be in the low 80's and high 70's so we're getting there...albeit slowly...

TV stuff:
Season 3 of Blacklist - it's on Netflix so I'm down with it. At times I want to turn it off because it's a bit much, but then other times I can't wait to binge-watch to see what will happen - the storyline is brilliant!

I'm finally watching the last season of Downton Abbey. It's the end of an era...

Broadchurch - have you seen it? You should watch it!!

Stranger Things - creepy and nostalgic all at the same time - am I right??

A Chef's Life - Y'all. I want to go to this restaurant so badly!! It's located in Kinston, NC in the eastern part of the state. I just love how they use local ingredients and how the chef, Vivian, comes up with her menu items based on what foods are in season. Brilliant! Delicious! So fun!!

Food stuff:
See A Chef's Life above :)

I went through another Whole 30 last month. It was liberating! I have to admit that it's amazing. It's not easy, but totally worth it.

Coffee!! I am honestly an addict. I love the stuff. And I don't mean the froo froo stuff - just a regular ol' cup o' joe.

Nourish - my group went to lunch last week and we have 3 new members! Loving it! So great to get back in the swing of things with these ladies - schedules, predictability, routine. That is making my heart sing right now.

I went to a Wildtree party last week. It was great - and the food we prepared is so yummy! If you don't know about it you should look into it. So fun!

Brave stuff:
I gave up the book club. It just wasn't for me. I tried a lot of things last year to enter into community in my community. This was one of those things that just didn't pan out for me. I'm happy to say that some other things did, but I decided to let this one go and focus on some other areas of community.

I feel like I'm always doing this, but it's worth saying that one way I am being brave is by intentionally loving my husband. Trying not to complain too much. Trying to be supportive and encouraging when he has to work late or when he's stressed out. He's an amazing man and I want to help him in any way possible. The best way of doing this is by loving him unconditionally and with intentionality.

And that goes for my babies, too - loving my children is top on my list. Sometimes I have to be courageous and bold and brave to love them in the way that is necessary. I cry sometimes when I have to discipline them or give them consequences for their actions. That's the part of parenting that is really tough for me. I'm glad I have great kids that don't require too much of that - I don't think any of us could handle all the crying. :)

Being a more intentional friend is right up there, too. I have some very dear friends who I am trying to love on with real vulnerability and intentionality. It's not always easy - we lead busy lives - but it's incredibly necessary. And as I've said before, being brave means being vulnerable.

And I am asking God to reveal himself to me each and every day. This, my friends, is one of the boldest things we can do.

Church stuff:
Hope City Church - we've been going there for a few months. They're an amazing church who is doing amazing things for Jesus. I have been proud to be part of the ConnectHer gatherings, to meet new women, to take my kids to their Sunday classes, to listen to what's been said in the sermons, but it never quite felt like home. David and I attempted to make it home, but we've realized that our home is

Ridge church.

We're going home y'all. Last weekend the kids were gone to my parents' house and David and I had some time just us. We talked and shared our hearts. We decided that it's time. It's time to go home. We'll be headed back to Ridge church. Our only issue before was the distance and lack of community because of the distance. But honestly, I've found community in other ways. I'm not relying on the church to make community for me and I've been able to branch out and meet new people right where I am. My trusted friend, Crystal, helped me work through some of my concern in not being able to serve, volunteer or be as involved as I would like to if my church was near my home. David and I believe so much in what Ridge is doing for the gospel that I feel compelled to be part of it. God's got this. I looked back at this post and this one and I love seeing all the things God has done in and through us since these words were written.

Song stuff:
Take a listen. You'll be glad you did. These songs have, at times, been salve to my broken spirit and encouragement to get me through, while reminding me of the One I serve.

Charlotte

This has been a hard week. Charlotte isn't just a place to me. It's my home. The people here are my people. The streets that have been filled with violence and hate are streets my husband and I walk on almost every day when we go to work. A couple of my programs are in the area where Mr. Scott was shot and killed. Some of my friends and neighbors are policemen on these streets.

I am thankful for the people who have been encouraging and supportive. People have reached out and offered prayers and thoughts and love.

I have the privilege of working predominantly with the minority population in Charlotte, NC. In the Outreach department of Charlotte Mecklenburg Library I am tasked to work with the at-risk community in our area. I go to home daycares, preschools, Headstart programs, refugee support services and underperforming schools.

I also work in an extremely diverse department. There are nine of us total - five African American women, one Indian-American woman, one Mexican-American woman, one Venezuelan-American woman and one Caucasian. These people are my friends. I am incredibly thankful to have opportunities to speak candidly, ask personal questions, get opinions, and learn new things that I would never know as a white woman in this country. I am overwhelmingly grateful that they will share their lives and their truths with me. Yesterday we cried together, encouraged each other and found hope together.

I feel the pain on both sides. I empathize with my black friends and what they're going through. I understand the fear and mistrust. I cry that we live in a world where people are treated unjustly.

I don't really know what to say except that LOVE is the answer. And, since I can't do anything greater than that, LOVE is what I'll do.

Please take some time to listen to this sermon by Andy Stanley. It is incredibly moving.

And please:

Books I've Read - May-August 2016

The Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers
1. A Voice in the Wind
2. An Echo in the Darkness
3. As Sure as the Dawn
I've read these before, but I thought it was time to reread this series. It didn't disappoint. My mom still hasn't made it through the first one, but I just love this series. To each his own, I guess, right? I like the historical elements Francine Rivers brings into her novels. She must've done a crazy amount of research for these books. Quite fascinating to me.

Lady Maybe by Julie Klassen
Eh. I don't think I'll be reading anymore Klassen. It's not very well written, the storylines are only okay and the character development is poor. This was my second attempt - I read another one of her novels earlier in the year. In theory this is exactly what I would like - she writes period pieces typically set in the 1800's or early 1900's, British, and Christian. But they're just not that good.

Library of Souls by Ransom Riggs
This was the last book in the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children trilogy. It was definitely my favorite of the three. By this time the characters and plot line had developed nicely. I enjoyed it - weird for sure, but definitely worth the read.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany and Jack Thorne
I was skeptical of the style of writing (it's a screenplay), the fact that Ms. Rowling shared the writing with others, and that she was revisiting such a beloved series that we thought had been completed.  I mean, don't mess with perfection, am I right? But let me tell you - do yourself a favor and READ THIS BOOK! If you like the series (and who doesn't??), you'll love this story. It was a fast read, captivating from the beginning, intriguing to get a glimpse of Harry Potter's future, and just downright good. I loved it.

The BFG by Roald Dahl
The kids and I have really started getting into chapter books. I loved The BFG when I was growing up, so I thought we should give it a try. Xander loved it. Amelia Jayne liked it but on certain nights I could tell she was growing restless. She always asks lots of questions, though, so I know she's paying attention. We finished that book and went to see it in the theater as a family. It was a tiny bit scary for Amelia Jayne (but I really think she was just tired and feeling restless that afternoon), but it was pretty good overall. The book was better.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Since we made it through The BFG, and my kids love Harry Potter, I figured we could go ahead and start the first book in the series. It's been slow-going, but we're making it through. We haven't quite finished it, but I'm adding it here because I think we'll be done in the next couple of weeks. The kids are having a good time comparing the book to the movie. Xander is typically enraptured, but it doesn't hold Amelia Jayne's attention as well as I wish it would - I'm pretty sure it's just too old and too British for her. ;)

And the kids and I have REALLY gotten into audiobooks! Xander told me that his first grade teacher read The Absent Author by Ron Roy to them in his class last year and that he really enjoyed it. I told him I would grab a couple for us to read. This was just before we headed to the beach, so I thought this might be a great opportunity to try out some audiobooks. The kids LOVE it! They ask as soon as we get in the car if they can listen to their books. We've made our way through the entire A to Z Mysteries series. It's been a really fun experience and I think Xander's concluded that he loves mysteries now. I highly recommend this for families - it's given us things to talk and laugh about and something fun to do together, especially in the car.

The A to Z Mysteries
A - The Absent Author
B - The Bald Bandit
C - The Canary Caper
D - The Deadly Dungeon
E - The Empty Envelope
F - The Falcon's Feathers
G - The Goose's Gold
H - The Haunted Hotel
I - The Invisible Island
J - The Jaguar's Jewel
K - The Kidnapped King
L - The Lucky Lottery
M - The Missing Mummy
N - The Ninth Nugget
O - The Orange Outlaw
P - The Panda Puzzle 
Q - The Quicksand Question
R - The Runaway Racehorse
S - The School Skeleton
T - The Talking T-Rex
U - The Unwilling Umpire
V - The Vampire's Vacation
W - The White Wolf
X - The X'ed-Out X-Ray
Y - The Yellow Yacht
Z - The Zombie Zone

Special Review:
Xander and I (and Mimi at one point) read Captain Awesome and the Missing Elephants by Stan Kirby and Xander gives it two thumbs up - he's going to read some of the others in the series soon.
A big hallmark moment - he finished reading his first chapter book all by himself!! It was Bird & Squirrel on the Run by James Burks and he highly recommends it! They're cute graphic novels that are appropriate for his age and, according to Xander, very funny. There are three more books in the series that I recently placed on hold from the library. He is currently reading Star Wars: Jedi Academy by Jeffrey Brown. He thinks it's super-funny, too. I'm looking forward to seeing what he picks next! :)

I snuck these two pictures this morning while he was at the bus stop. It makes this book-loving Mama's heart sing!!

Oh, and GO PANTHERS! (We're still die-hard fans even if their first game didn't end so well...)

First Days of School

Xander's first Day

His new teacher, Ms. Ni

The many face of Amelia Jayne:

She gave up the swimmies

Amelia Jayne learned to swim underwater this summer! We went to my dad's a couple weeks ago and she didn't wear her swimmies once while we were there - even in the deep end! (Be still my quickly beating heart.)

My girl is independent. She can buckle her own seatbelt without help. She gets up and picks out her clothes and dresses herself each morning.  She runs out and gets the mail all by herself. 
And this independence has hit me like a ton of bricks. She's a big girl. She's not starting kindergarten this year, but she's only 2 months away from turning 5.

It's a weird thing moving out of the preschool years. I've been in them for so long now and they are truly a part of who I am. I feel like I've been down in the trenches for the past 7ish years. And it is a hard place to be, y'all. Maybe not for everyone, but it sure was for me.

I won't lie. There are things I miss about the baby stages. Their sweet smell and soft skin. Their funny dances and silly word pronunciations. Their littleness that cuddles so easily. Their amazement at anything new or different.  Rocking them to sleep at night. Oh, so many beautiful memories.
The kids and I found some old videos of them on my phone just the other night. We watched until my phone died - just silly things, but stuff that made me tear up and reminisce and count my blessings all over again.

But you know what? I really like where we are now. I like that everyone can use the bathroom by themselves and clean up their dishes after a meal. I like not having to schedule activities around nap times and not having to pack up the whole house just to go to the store. I love how I only have to get up a couple of times during meals to get something for the kiddos, instead of the 72 times  per meal I used to get up for them as toddlers. I love the conversations we have and how each day brings new questions and a different kind of curiosity than they had before. I like that we honestly like a lot of the same things and can sit down and really enjoy conversations with one another.

She gave up the swimmies. And honestly? Though I feel the overwhelming nostalgia at times, I'm pretty happy about it.