Friday, September 26, 2008

Guess what!?!?

It's a boy!!! David and I went to the doctor yesterday to have our mid-pregnancy ultrasound and 20 week check-up. David missed our first ultrasound experience, so I was so thankful to have him there to experience it live and see our baby actually move around inside. And our baby is a mover! The technician taking the ultrasound called him a "wiggly worm" and had to chase after him to get some good shots. But she sure got some good ones! She had asked us beforehand if we wanted to know the baby's sex and we both said we did. Once she was in the process of looking at the baby she said, "Are you sure you want to know the sex?" And David and I both kind of looked at each other and said, "I think we already do!" It was very obvious...our little boy is not shy! It was such a great moment. She continued to look around and show us different things. His heart is beating well (150 bpm) and we saw his chest cavity. His skull is forming nicely and his spine looks good, they said. I think my favorite picture is when he pressed his foot against my tummy. You can see his little foot and his teeny tiny toes. It's so great!

I have to say that David was convinced this baby was going to be a girl, but was so pleasantly surprised to find out he's a boy. David doesn't really show his excitement about a lot of things, but he is ecstatic about having a son. I'm so happy that he's getting his wish to have a boy first!

My feelings were much more confused than David's. I was happy to know we're having a boy, especially for David, and was so excited to see our baby again. I feel so much closer to him (can I get any closer? LOL) when I can actually see him move and see his parts formed together. But I was a little nervous, and have to admit that I still am. I was praying that God would help me get used to the idea of having a boy. I've wanted a boy and I'm glad we're having one, but I don't know boys as well as I know girls. I definitely know how to relate to girls better. I have nephews and dads and brothers and a husband, but I'm not a boy. So when I prayed and said to God, "Help me be excited to have a son," it was only because I'm a little scared. But it took only seconds for me to know that this is exactly the way God wants it. God immediately reminded me of Psalm 139:13-14. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Those were the words that God gave me to assure me that this is what he orchestrated. And his "works are wonderful." I certainly can't argue with that! And then he reminded me that, like Mary, I get to experience what it's like to have a son. There's no bond like that between mother and son. I don't know that bond yet, but I will. And I'm so glad. So very glad!

So, cheers! All is well in our Little family!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

So blessed!

I have to say thank you to my husband. He is such a wonderful man and definitely the perfect man for me. He is so patient, loyal and wise. I have not been the easiest to live with lately, yet he takes it in stride. His love and commitment to me have shown through over the last few weeks. He constantly makes sure I'm comfortable and well cared for. He's been cleaning the house and taking care of tasks that typically I would take care of...and he does it all without complaint.

I cannot wait to have his child. I want to have a son just like him - even though he probably doesn't believe that because sometimes he does exasperate me. But just because David's not like me, I respect him all the more for it and would likewise love our child that much more. And if we have a daughter, well she can be just like him, too :)

Thank you, David, and I love you so much. Today and always.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Emotions and Hormones

Everyone keeps asking David how I'm doing with my emotions since becoming pregnant. His response is typically, "She's no more emotional than usual." If you know me, really at all, then you know that if strong emotions are a key indicator of pregnancy then I've been pregnant many, many times, mostly for my whole life. I'm just an emotional being. I really believe that God made me that way, but I also know I have to keep it tightly under control lest it get the best of me (and everyone around me). Of course I need God's help to do that. And I'm not always the best at asking for help...

So I've had a couple of strange outbursts. And I admit, I know when they're irrational and completely out of the blue. Like when I told David I would need my mom around after the birth because she would know how to care for me. (I had just read all of the oh-so-unpleasant things that you have to heal from after birth.) And in the process of this normal request and conversation I just burst into tears. Or when I started crying about my new cell phone because I just knew I wasn't going to have enough minutes to talk (even though I have more than I ever had on the other phone!).

First, you have to understand that it is not unlike me to have strange outbursts. I guess in these instances I've just realized they're strange. :)

But last night was the worst yet. And it's lasted into today. I realize I'm being irrational, but I can't seem to take control over my emotions. I've just felt weepy and sad ever since I woke up. And I cried until I fell asleep last night, too. I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. I honestly believe I had depleted my fluids because of so much crying! So, pray for me, folks. I really need it today.