It's been an emotional week for me. I've probably cried close to 15 times. Seriously. And the crazy thing is, I really don't know why. Things are actually going very well overall and I don't feel like I have much to complain about.
My 3-month old baby sleeps very well - anywhere from 7-10 hours at night. She's a good baby who really only cries when she's sleepy or hungry. Her little smile and sweet cooing melt my heart.
My almost 3-year old is amazingly well-behaved, calm and patient for his age. He helps me with his sister, getting things I ask him to get and doing what I tell him to do most of the time. He will read books and look at pictures for hours, literally.
My husband has a good job (praise the Lord!) and helps me out with the kids and around the house. He loves me, tells me so and spends time with me.
What do I have to complain about?
I talked to my mom today and she spoke some words of wisdom to me. She reminded me that going back to work, even just part-time, and having two children (emphasis on the word two) is hard. For someone like me who likes to make a list and check items off, it's very difficult to end each day. Rarely is my list completed by the end of the day.
I have an ideal world in which I would like to live. I also have small children. Those two worlds have a hard time co-existing.
Here are a few things I've been dealing with:
David logged 57 hours at work last week by the end of the day Wednesday. He also worked full days on Thursday and Friday. That means he worked a total of 73 hours last week. I like when that number is closer to 40.
My kids are both sick. They have colds. They've had colds since November, it seems to me. I'm so over it!
Though I love my job, it's fairly stressful to be gone for 3 months and attempt to figure out organizational changes (for which we've had many since I left), reschedule programs and reconnect with daycares and schools, go through my supplies to see what I need for the next year with programming money that must be spent by the end of February, and get back in the swing of working outside the home.
So what do I need? Grace. I need to give myself some grace. I have a wonderful husband who is easy-going, easy to please and doesn't ask much of me. My kids are forgiving. They don't know or care if the house is clean, the laundry done or their Valentine's Day was celebrated "good enough." I have this ideal picture in my head and when I don't live up to my own expectations, my world crumbles. Nobody's perfect. So, grace. That's what I need to get through this time.
Thank God that his grace is sufficient for me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9