Weaning

Depression hit me hard when I "weaned" Xander. I say "weaned" in quotes because basically my milk dried up, I wasn't producing enough for him to be satisfied and he was just fine going to all-bottle feedings. He didn't seem to miss nursing one bit. And I cried. I felt like he didn't need me anymore and he would be fine without me! How silly and naive I was. My boy would attach himself to me with glue if he could. Definitely no shortening of the apron strings with that kid. Of course I can say that in hindsight. At the time, I was beside myself with the loss of this special bond.

I just wished with all my heart that he would continue to nurse and would miss it, even just a little.

So be careful what you wish for.

Along came Amelia Jayne. Because of my experience with Xander I was completely prepared to start supplementing her with formula and only hoped that I would be able to continue nursing her (exclusively) until she was 6 mos old. Fast forward to today, one week and one day from her first birthday, and I am still nursing her. She never received one drop of formula. And I am so happy about being able to nurse her for this long! There are so many health benefits to both mother and baby, and the time that we've spent together has been so precious.

However, now I am ready to start weaning her. I started a small attempt last week, deciding to drop one nursing session during the day. And what happened? Amelia Jayne went on a nursing binge and decided to try to nurse all day! I later realized that I think she's teething again ("What?!?!" you say. Yeah, me too. She already has eight teeth for goodness' sake!). Due to that she's not so interested in solid foods and would rather get her nourishment (and comfort through this painful process) from milk. My milk. Blessed be. Am I going to be one of those mothers who nurses her child until she's four? Don't worry. I'm not. But it feels like it some days!

So here are my questions to nursing moms out there. (I honestly don't know if anyone reading my blog is a nursing mom, but I'll throw it out there nonetheless. You never know.)

How do I do this??
No seriously. Here's the question.
How do I do this?
Okay I'll try again.
What is the best way to wean my child?

I haven't given her cow's milk yet. I'm waiting for her first birthday. I know her birthday is not a magical date and I could probably introduce milk to her now since we're a week away from the big day, but I just want to wait. She is my last baby after all.

But here are some of the struggles I have.
Anytime I sit down with her, if she's the least bit hungry, she starts ripping my clothes off. So basically this happens a lot. It doesn't matter where or what time. She just wants to eat. She also does this anytime I sit down to rock her or if I take her to bed. I've resorted to letting David put her to bed at night so she isn't so sad that I won't nurse her. (And this is after I've already nursed her for the last time in the evening! It's not like I'm denying her or taking that feeding away.)
Nursing is very comforting to her, so she "asks" to nurse a lot of times when she's sad, tired, or needy, not just when she's hungry. I'm nervous about taking away something that obviously comforts her and meets her needs.
She's a very picky eater and I'm nervous that taking away nursing sessions will deny her some needed nutrients and calories. She's not tiny or anything, but I do feel like she may not have gained as much weight over the last three months as her doctor would have liked. We'll find out on the 26th when we go in for her well visit. But I digress.

I just feel so out of my element here. I obviously didn't have this problem with Xander and I don't exactly know how to go about it.

Also, I'm nervous about the depression thing. Even the thought of weaning her sends me into a spiral. I mean, I'm already blue about her getting older and I feel this is just one more reminder. Should I wait? I only wanted to nurse her until she was one. Then I would wean her and get my body back fully and move on with life. Now that I'm here, I just don't feel the same way. I just didn't think this would be an issue, so I didn't prepare myself. Or my husband. Alas. Bring on the tissues.