Small Group

I just love our small group right now. We've been together for the past 15 months, and some of us even longer than that. We've had some rocky times and some ups and downs. Three of us in the group had babies within 6 weeks of each other last September-October. That led to us missing a lot of group times. Another girl had a baby last May. Another is pregnant now. That makes it nice to have folks in the same stage of life, and challenging because we're all trying to figure this whole parenting thing (read: babysitter thing) out.
We've been learning some great things, though. We've been sharing life together, which is what it's all about. I'm thankful to have these wonderful people in my life. These people I can open up to, love, pray for and with, and enjoy their company.
Right now we're reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I'll admit to not liking this book when we first started. I'm still not sure I'm sold on it. However, we just finished chapter 6 and I'm feeling somewhat more on board. The first few chapters are real and relevant and Francis Chan sure tells it like it is. Sometimes, though, I don't need for people to tell me like it is. I live in an all-too-real world at times and when someone consistently tells me I'm insignificant and may not be the "good soil" I think I am, causing me to doubt and question and feel significantly worse about my self, well, sometimes that's the last thing I need.
It's an interesting dilemma. I want to be real with myself and fix the things that need fixing and make changes in my life to be more like Jesus. And it's important to have people in your life who will tell you Truth in a kind and loving way (or basically in the way you most need it to be told) but there are times in my life that I already feel bombarded by my own insecurities and insignificance. Those are the times I need to be lifted up, encouraged, and loved on. And that's where I've been for the last couple of months - needing love and encouragement, not sermons on how awful I am.
I'm coming out of my funk, finally. :) I'm starting to feel more like myself - positive, upbeat, joyful. I have been sitting in God's presence in a new and different way than I ever have. In a way that I feel free.
That's something we talked about in group last night. The question was asked:
"Does the Christian life feel free to you? Or do you feel bound to obey a system of moral commands?"
And I told the group how I've been feeling lately. I don't feel tied or in bondage to a certain way to spend time with my Savior. Maybe I get 15 minutes driving around for work to listen to a sermon. Maybe I take 20 minutes at the beginning of the day to read some Scripture. Maybe I don't get an alotted time, but I just go throughout my day talking to God and asking for help, thanking Him for certain things or moments, praising Him for the beauty of this earth.
And because balance is such a difficult thing, I'm learning that I praise and worship God when I take a more "wholistic" view of worshiping Him. It blesses God when I take care of my body by exercising. It is praise to Him when I spend quality time with my kids. It is glorifying to Him when I take the time to help friends/strangers/co-workers in need. Of course it's important for me to spend time in prayer and to set aside time to read God's Word. But the cool thing is that it's all about a relationship. Sometimes I spend lots of time with God, just like I might sometimes spend lots of time with my husband or my kids. And other days I may not spend as much time with Him. But God knows me and He knows my heart. Our relationship doesn't disappear if I don't spend as much time as I "should" with Him. And lately, because I've been more free in my relationship and my approach to God, I don't feel guilty if I can't spend the time that my legalistic self wants to plan, organize and execute. I just go throughout my day, simply praising God and worshiping Him in everything I do.

Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
Psalm 103:2
(Emphasis mine)