Overwhelmed

I've learned a valuable lesson in the past couple of weeks. I'm NOT super-mom. I wish I was. I strive for that and sometimes even long for it. But I'm just not. I have to remind myself of this often and give myself credit for the things I do right. When I do things wrong, my goal is to learn from these mistakes and move on. There's no point in beating myself up or living in the past. Tomorrow is always a fresh start. This very moment can be a fresh start!

I think I really realized this almost two weeks ago. David was out of town and I was trying to do everything for everybody, but I just couldn't do it. I had gone to church on Sunday and was supposed to attend service at 9:30, serve at 11, stay afterward to set up for BabyD, eat lunch with the gals and their kiddos, make sure everything was ready, stay for BabyD at 5, leave at 6, and get home around 6:30. How in the world was I supposed to do all that with Xander? I didn't have David to help me watch him and I didn't think through all the small things that turn out to be big things. First of all, David was out of town and had been for 5 days. Xander missed him and was struggling with not having Daddy around. Xander hadn't napped well all week due to scheduling conflicts. This was a bad combination. Anyway, the day did not turn out the way I planned. I ended up serving at both services, Xander saw me multiple times and finally on the fourth time he broke down because I wasn't coming to get him. I ended up leaving after serving for the 11am service and didn't go back. I didn't help set up for BabyD, I didn't help out during it or clean up afterwards. I felt awful. I felt awful because I knew I couldn't be everything for everybody, but I really wanted to be! I'm weak and I realized that. It's so hard to admit that - weakness. I don't like to and I wish I didn't have to, but the great thing is that God's grace truly is sufficient.


⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, New International Version)

Earlier this week I was talking to my bestie, Isabel. It hit me - why am I so hard on myself? Why don't I give God a little credit, let him have the glory and delight in my weaknesses so that his grace can shine through? She reminded me that not only do I work part-time, take care of my husband and child and the house we live in, serve at church, maintain relationships with friends and family, but I also have another very important job right now. I'm growing another human being inside of me. That's a big job and one I forget about on occasion. I don't really forget I'm pregnant, but I do forget how much that can take out of a woman!

My week typically looks like this:


Monday

• twice a month I have a meeting with women from church to discuss curriculum and gather materials,  usually a half to all-day meeting
• clean
• all this with Xander while attempting quality time with him
• dinnertime once David gets home around 5:30
• family time until Xander goes to bed around 8
• misc. chores/time with David
• bedtime at 10

Tuesday

• errands
• clean
• all this with Xander while attempting quality time with him
• dinnertime once David gets home around 5:30
• family time until Xander goes to bed around 8
• misc. chores/time with David
• bedtime at 10

Wednesday

• small tasks in the morning
• meet Mimi or Grandma for lunch and drop off Xander
• work until 6
• small group from 7-9 (or 9:30 or 10...:))
• bedtime at 10

Thursday

• work all day
• date night

Friday

• work all day
• pick up Xander
• short time with Xander before bed at 8
• misc. chores/time with David
• bedtime at 10

Saturday

• Usually full with miscellaneous tasks/activities

Sunday

• church
• serve every other week at church
• time with family

That's a full schedule! And of course I have to find time in there to spend time with extended family, friends and other commitments that pop up. I have to remember that I'm not really a stay-at-home mom. Because I work two and a half days out of the week I have to schedule my time so that I spend good quality time with Xander while I'm with him. I don't want to constantly be cleaning, doing chores or grocery shopping when we're together. However, those things need to be done, too, so I have to prioritize depending on the week and what all is going on. It's a tough job!

I love being a mom and wife more than anything else in this world. I never knew how hard it would be or how rewarding it is at the same time. I certainly couldn't do any of it without God's grace.